When I was 19 I was diagnosed with Polycystic Ovaries (PCOS) after 7 months of not having a period. For the past few years I was terrified that I wasn't ovulating and that I wouldn't be able to have children, so you can imagine my surprise and happiness when I unexpectedly became pregnant!
The first three months of my pregnancy were worrying. I couldn't quite believe I was carrying a baby and didn't feel pregnant at all. There were tears from both me and my husband, Dave, when we first saw our little baby at the 12 week scan. After a relatively symptom free three months, it was as though my body thought "oh yeah! I actually am pregnant!" and the remainder of my pregnancy was full of random periods of sickness and a lot of fatigue!
Despite the tiredness and nausea, I had a healthy and normal pregnancy up until 35 weeks. It was then when my blood pressure shot up, I became very swollen and they found protein in my wee. I was given steroid injections to build up the baby's lungs incase of emergency induction and was admitted into hospital with pre eclampsia.
Luckily I was allowed home after a one night stay, due to my blood pressure settling and was visited at home by the midwife three times a week.
At 37 weeks I felt as though I suddenly had an allergic reaction to something. My eye was constantly watering on one side and appeared swollen. I rang the NHS helpline as this worsened, to see if there was anything I could take for it whilst pregnant, but by the time the nurse rang back Dave and my mum had noticed that one side of my mouth (the side of my watery eye) had stopped moving as I spoke. The nurse on the phone told me to go to A + E straight away. Because pre-eclampsia can cause strokes we were all very worried, my main concern being the baby, but it turned out I had a condition called Bells Palsy where the nerve on one side of your face stops working. I looked very strange and as I watched videos of myself trying to screw my face up, wink and smile I didn't know whether to laugh or cry! I struggled eating and drinking properly due to my mouth not shutting properly on one side and it wasn't the most glamorous time in my life. I couldn't even wear make up as my eye was still constantly watering due to the fact my eye wasn't completely shutting when I blinked causing excessive tearing. I was put on a course of steroids and sent to a consultant regarding the baby. I was desperate to be induced. I didn't like taking the steroids whilst being pregnant and I just wanted to meet our baby! Despite this, the consultant reassured me the baby would be fine and that I would be able to have a natural birth.
At 39 weeks I began having contractions which were regular but not very intense. The baby was in position and engaged and I was getting very excited. However, I noticed I wasn't feeling as much fetal movement. I was in and out of hospital a couple of times just checking if the baby was ok, and was told I was 1cm dilated. On the 4th march I had my show and spent the day cleaning. I was getting quite regular contractions and though I might be near labour but that night I noticed I was bleeding. I rang the hospital and was called in again where they noticed the heart rate of the baby was dropping occasionally. As I was so close to my due date (march 9th), they decided to induce me. Considering I'd been desperate to be induced for the last few weeks, when they told me it was finally going to happen I was terrified!
My waters were broken about 9pm and I was put on an oxytocin drip to bring on the contractions. After a few hours they gave me gas and air which at my first inhalation I hated. I was sick and was refusing anymore. However, my midwife encouraged me to really breathe it in during my next contraction, before leaving the room to get some notes. By the time she came back it was though I'd had 10 jäger bombs. I was laughing my head off, and telling the oxytocin drip, which kept beeping, to eff off!!
Because of the drip and the concern over the baby's heart beat, I had to remain led on the bed, strapped up to a monitor. This was incredibly uncomfortable later on, and because I was still leaking waters I constantly felt like I needed a wee! This resulted in me traipsing across to the toilet carrying wires and my drip screaming "I'm weeing, I'm weeing" as my waters trickled out. It was not the most glamorous of occasions and I think it's safe to say my husband has seen me at my worst!!!
The pain gradually increased along with my blood pressure and I was given an epidural. At this point my lovely husband decided he was dizzy and was going to be sick, so had to sit down. (Wimp!) The aenethatist explained to me that the epidural might only work on one side, so when it kicked in and I only felt numb on one side,0 I think the midwife and aenethatist thought I was convincing myself that, due to the fact I'd been told it could happen. I kept telling them I could still feel everything on one side but they just kept upping my dose and leaning me on the painful side, which only made the pain worse!
I was 10cm dilated at 3am, but due to the epidural, I had to wait another hour before pushing. I was terrified of pooing during labour, even though so many people had told me it was a natural part of giving birth, so when I felt the baby's pressure indicating the need to push I was convinced I was going to poo. I panicked and was screaming I needed to get up and go to the toilet and she was telling me I needed to push as it was the baby not a poo but in my slightly drugged up painful mood I ended up arguing with her yelling I need to poo!!! After the whole of labour and delivery had pretty much heard I needed a poo it turned out she was right, it was in fact the baby, and I ended up pushing.
The next hour was the most painful of my life, with seriously intense painful contractions still down one side and no progression with the baby - it just wasn't moving down. Before I'd gone into labour I really really didn't want an assisted birth but after an hour of pushing I could just tell I wasn't going to get the baby out by myself. I was tired and exhausted and ready for some help so when the midwife told me I'd pushed for as long as I was allowed, and that she'd have to get the doctor to use forceps, I actually felt relieved. Unfortunately, the doctor had other things in mind and decided to put me in stirrups and have me push for another half hour. Now my memory of this part may be a little warped, but I remember yelling that I'd had enough and wanted to get up to which I was told I wouldn't be able to get up due to the epidural numbing my legs to which I waved my foot in the midwifes face telling her I most certainly would be able to get up. I was swiftly restrained in the stirrups feeling like a wrongly convicted prisoner and told to continue pushing. By now the pain was awful and I was becoming very nauseous, being sick between contractions (which were coming incredibly quickly leaving me little time to throw up!) The midwife had been lovely with me, encouraging me with comments such as "come on you can do it!" and "you're doing so well!" Now, stirruped up and in agony I had my Scottish doctor scarily yelling at me to push (or "Pshh" as she pronounced it) and I had had enough. The baby hasn't moved at all since I started pushing. He has a monitor attached to his head which came out a good four inches with every push but swiftly returned back to position at the end of the contraction making it obvious how little progress was being made. The doctor finally made the decision to take me into theatre and give me an assisted birth.
In theatre they tried using a ventouse cup to bring the baby down but the cup came away from the baby's head and splattered my doctors face with all sorts of blood and yuk. At this point, she too had had enough. "Right, C-section." She demanded to the other midwives before leaving to wash her face. I had never even thought about the possibility of surgery before I went into labour. Before pregnancy I had never even been to hospital and now I was about to have a major operation. I had no fear or anticipation though, or even excitement, just relief. The aenethatist upped the epidural as much as she could and used a cold spray to test how numb I was. As she sprayed my left hand side, which felt like a tickle not a cold spray, I endured another contraction and couldn't wait to have the baby out and for this pain to stop. It never occurred to me that I shouldn't be feeling the contraction at all until I heard the midwife whisper to the aenethatist that I was still feeling the contractions. The very cold spray on my right hand side revealed that I was still feeling everything down one side, and as I suspected earlier, the epidural had only worked on one side. Because the epidural had been upped so much I could no longer have a spinal block, meaning they had no choice but to put me to sleep. Dave had to leave the room and wasn't allowed to see the operation. It still upsets me that neither of us saw the baby be born. My last memory was the aenethatist holding an oxygen mask over my mouth and me thinking "I'm wide awake. This is never going to make me go to sleep..."
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